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Saturday, December 06, 2008
Past, people, relationships
Been a funny old couple of days really - secret emailing and stuff which always leaves me feeling a bit weird and (strangely) low. It's in these low times that I inevitably start mind-wandering back to the past and it's not a place I like to be.
However, I've realised something. In recent times, thinking about the past has always caused me misery, it's caused melt-downs when all the pent up fury and frustration comes out and poor old Tim ends up being the brunt of it all. I scream and shout at him and he just takes it all on the chin because he knows that this is not the "real" me - this is the damaged me. This side of me surfaces, thankfully, less and less these days but when it does it's ALWAYS because I've spent too much time thinking about the people in my past who caused me pain (mentally or physically or sometimes both at the same time).
I've realised that I spend hardly ANY time thinking about the GOOD relationships - the funny friends, the loving relationships and people who made me laugh the oddballs that made me go "uh?" (but not in a bad way). That in a way is sad because these are the memories I SHOULD be holding on to.
This post is not meant to be gloomy, it's going to get better, too many times I've bored readers rigid with tales of my awful mother or my abusive ex-husband, that's not happening this time .... I'm thinking out loud! Here are some of the funny things, the weird things, the slightly sexy things and downright insane things that have happened in my relationships with other people. Hopefully, you might find it entertaining and it might make you (and me!) smile. No full names have been mentioned to protect the innocent *winks*. In no particular order .......
There was the girl I worked with at BT who had to come all the way from Swanage every day (to the centre of Bournemouth!) For a while we became the best of friends and, as friends do, we exchanged all sorts of little stories with each other. Nothing quite prepared me though for what she blurted out one day, in the office, in front of EVERYONE (we were sat at a kind of "big" desk made of lots of tables all pushed together). She started talking about her new boyfriend and how they had a rather .... erm.... odd relationship. I sat there gaping like a fish while she recounted tales of how they'd ....ahem... play games .... and he'd lock her in the wardrobe. What the?!... Whatever floats your boat I suppose. I remember going home on the bus that evening and suddenly bursting into laughter about it (which made me look insane obviously!)
Then there was John, my first real, long term boyfriend who I met when I was 18. I think it must have been him who first got me into walking up Hengistbury Head which I still love doing to this day (although my walking partner is now Tim and very pleased about it I am too) He was a lovely guy - a LOT like Tim in terms of personality, very laid back and easy going. Also, like Tim, very tall and slim!
Then there was my friend, Sarah (another one!) who I worked with at the Evening Echo and we ended up being friends for years after. She was a few years older than me and, I think, was determined to act as a kind of substitute mum! I remember a certain reporter at the Echo who wanted to take me out - I was 17 and he was about 26 at the time. Sarah grilled him (just like a parent!) about whether his motives were honourable *laughs out loud*, of course they weren't bloody honourable! In the end I went out once with him for a drink and never bothered again because he was, well, boring - so we never got to test whether he was honourable or not hehe!
Then there was an ex-boss of mine who I secretaried for. He was a (close to retirement) solicitor and another one who wanted to parent me to death! During the winter, when I was ONLY popping round the corner to the sandwich shop, I'd walk past his office door and he shout "Sarah! put your bloody coat on you silly girl!" and I would, muttering like Mutley under my breath all the time. When I left to go on to pastures new, he gave me a giant pot-plant (not sure why) which I then had to take home on the bus with me and felt idiotic!
Then there was another boss of mine - an Associate Director at a very large, local, well-known firm of Estate Agents. He pretty much head-hunted me back from another company to work for him which I felt very pleased about but, my god, did he bring out the Crippen in me! He had (and I kid you not) a filing system whereby he filed his clients by order of how much he hated them!!! Wtf?! Naturally, I was not about to tolerate this utterly pants system of filing and re-arranged it all into alphabetical. He went ballistic (because he couldn't find anything!) and we ended up having a screaming row about it. It ended up with me saying that I utterly refused to file for him if he had it that way because it made no sense and surely he didn't hate them all and, frankly, the only person I hated right at that moment was him. On and on and on I went and he went strangely quiet. I thought "oh shit, now I'm going to get fired" but he just stood there staring for a second, then broke into a huge grin and said "fine, have it your way!" Some time later he said that he liked the fact that I wasn't scared of him as his last secretary had been like a doormouse! *laughs*
Then there was Alex - a guy I went out with briefly. He was training to be an accountant and his father was an accountant (god, a whole family of them!) and they were really rich and lived in a huge house at Highcliffe. Alex was, as far as my mother was concerned "perfect husband material", however, I was presented with 2 problems. One - I found him a little dull and two - his best friend, Richard. His best friend turned out to be the reason I didn't stay with Alex, you see, from day one there was a VERY obvious attraction between us but neither he nor I said anything about it. We just went on with some rather intense eye contact, accidental-on-purpose brushing against each other ... stuff like that. I really wouldn't have done anything about it - I genuinely would have just pushed it down and just enjoyed some harmless flirtation. Richard, however, had other ideas and one day while I was at home, he just turned up on my doorstep and said "I think we need to talk don't you?". He then virtually dragged me out to his car and I realised there was no way I could continue seeing Alex (much to my mothers disappointment) I also didn't carry on seeing Richard though ... we just, moved on.
Finally, there's Tim who all my regular readers will have heard much about - obviously. As I said, he's been the brunt of my spending too much time thinking about the horrid people in my life - he's long-suffering and he puts up with me (why? WHY?!) Maybe if I switch off the nasty people memories and think more about the amusing/nice things that I wrote about above, he wont have to endure so much.
I think, for that reason, he'll forgive me talking about ex-boyfriends *smiles*.
Bye for now!
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