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Category : Humour
Saturday, January 08, 2011
.... and on another note
Our shower has broken. In fact it's been broken for a while. We got onto landlord who said they would contact electrical company to get a new one brought and installed.
We got an email yesterday from landlord saying that the company were attempting to get a new shower but it would be a while because there is (and I quote) "a shortage".
A shortage of showers?!!!
What ON EARTH are they talking about?! Has everyone in the UK decided to do some post-Christmas revamping and there has been mass-shower-purchases? Have the shower factories burned down?!
I've no idea but, yes my friends, there is apparently such a shortage of showers that it's going to take a while to purchase a new one for us.
The word "baloney" springs instantaneously to mind.....
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Sunday, October 17, 2010
Ha ha ha
Hemmy: "What ya lookin' at? Well? Huh? Oh, SO I've forgotten to put my tongue away have I? Is that ANY reason to stand there pointing and laughing?! Sheesh! Humans!"
Hem does this a lot lately - we put it down to his advancing years *laughs*
Had a nice little surprise today - Tim went to church (twice no less!) and, this morning, came back with a large gift bag. Oooo! What could it be? Turns out that one of the elderly ladies at the church had, sadly, passed away but that she'd been very into crafts and card making. Anyway it was remembered that we homeschool and do a lot of crafts and some of her bits and bobs were passed on to us. I thought it was such a lovely thing to do! :) We got some really nice fancy edged scissors, loads of glue and glitter and different types of paper and card. There also card making stamps and stencils - what a great surprise!
Rosie also got a surprise today in the form of a gift voucher for Amazon from her Aunty Sarah and Uncle Rob - it was a late birfday pressie. She's excited because she's can now look for more DS games! She's been having great fun with hers and has been happily sharing with me (she's more generous than I would have been at that age I'm ashamed to say!), so that we can both play animal crossing. We've also both got into Lego Harry Potter although she's waaaay ahead of me in the game! :)
Right, must go, Tim's back from the church evening service and it's nearly dinner time!
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Friday, August 27, 2010
How to creep out your kids IMMEDIATELY
Aaaah! Way back when I was a girl the makers of kids TV programmes REALLY knew how to make 'em. Tim and I have been on a little nostalgic trip down memory lane (via You Tube) and been looking at some of the programmes we remember from our childhood. I ADORED The Flumps and Mr Benn and Trumpton and oooo! The Herbs! However, there is one program that used to totally scare the you-know-what out of me - JIGSAW! - not the whole thing, just NOSEYBONK!
What the HELL where the makers of this thing THINKING?! I can just imagine them sat round a table trying to come up with an idea.
"Ummm, tell you what guys, I've just thought of something that will be a surefire winner!".
"Ok, let's hear it"
"Well, it's like this. You take a bloke, stick him in an ill-fitting dinner suit and then - and this is a COMPLETE winner! - you put him in a dazzling white mask!"
"Right ...hmmm... sounds promising ... this mask though, what's it like?"
"Well I'm thinking along the lines of staring eyes, huge grin and a, like, huge nose"
"Is this going to scare the kids?"
"Naaaa, they'll love it!"
.... and thus, Noseybonk was born. He is truely terrifying. Witness this clip (don't let your kids watch it if they're young - seriously). I don't know what he is growing but they are DEEPLY suspicious ......
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Sunday, August 08, 2010
Oh ok....
... I seem to have undergone a miraculous transformation overnight and now feel full of energy and well again. Yesterday I still felt worse than rubbish and today I feel better than I've done since before I got ill. Strange (but welcome)!
So how am I celebrating this new found surge of energy? Cleaning the house - well, it needs doing BADLY. That, and being pestered by Tim who's in a very silly mood today (in a nice way!) and is winding me up and making me giggle!
I'm a happy bunny :)
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Wednesday, March 03, 2010
The great gnome races!
We have these little gnomes which have ball-bearings in so that when you put them on the top of a slope they tumble (head over heels) down to the bottom. To anyone with no sense of humour or fun this might sound rubbish but it really makes us laugh!
We've had the little gnomes for ages but today Rosie decided to try and make a really big one out of a toilet roll tube so we did and here he is next to his smaller brothers :)
Then, Rosie took a few bits of video, from different angles and put them together in one film (with some funny music!) and the result is everso funny *laughs*. Here you go:
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Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Snow Pig!
Looked out of one of our back windows earlier and saw something that made me giggle (sorry, it's the sort of thing that DOES make me giggle ... sort of ...erm... really daft!)
The snow has all but melted and what remains has formed a picture on our back grass. Behold! Snow pig!
Sorry about the rubbish picture - it was through glass.
Can you see? *laughs* His snout and ear is off to the left, legs at the bottom and bum off to the right. A giant snow pig!
Some general feelings of unwellness here today so a second week with no yoga for the kids - definately going next week! Rosie had Guides on Monday and enjoyed it as much as ever - they were designing new badges - next week they're doing knitting.
Erm ... what else? Not much! Weather has turned drizzly now but I kind of like it like this - all misty and mellow :) I'm going to snuggle up later and watch another episode of Pride and Prejudice and have cauliflower/broccoli bake for dinner - yummy, yummy :)
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Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Calling all time-challenged housewives!
Back years ago when I worked for BT, I had to clock in and out because I worked flexi-hours and even then it seemed a bit ... well, odd. Being as I am now, a "housewife" (sorry, don't like that word!), I would hope that I could work to my own schedule and plan my day sufficiently to get things done. Also, I would hope to be able to do this without having to "prove" (to Tim) that I did it by way of how many hours I worked (like the BT clock-in, clock-out)!
I would hope I could do it without this .... The Good Girl Time Clock! Go ahead, watch it and brace yourself .... I didn't know whether to gasp in shock or die laughing:
I got Tim to watch it and he did so with that particular kind of smirk that he has on his face when he's thinking (naughtily) "hmmm, you know, this isn't such a bad idea". Oh yeah! I can just see it now! Tim, on arriving home from work (you'll have to imagine this complete with the posh 1940's voices):
*Please note: the following scenario is entirely from the realms of my imagine and bears no (little) resemblance to real life. Thank you.
S: (whilst trying to hide the fact that she has playdough/paint/flour on the front of her tshirt) Why, hello darling! Did you have a good day at the ..... erm... office (warehouse doesn't sound quite as good!)?
T: (Casting eye around kitchen) Why yes darling, it was absolutely splendid! Hard work of course, but then I'm such a big strong chap that I hardly noticed! What about you dear, did you complete all your little menial tasks today?
S: (Tries to look innocent) Oh *nervous laugh*, you know me! On the go from dawn to dusk!
T: (raises one eyebrow) Well, you know darling, I feel I should check to make sure, I know what a naughty girl you can be sometimes. Let's have a look at THE GOOD GIRL TIME CLOCK shall we?
S: (Fidgeting and looking nervous) Of course .... erm....
T: (Looks at clock frowning) WHY! What is this?! It would appear you neglected to wash the bathroom floor, change the beds and feed the children! This is disgraceful!
S: (Getting a bit of a wobbling lip on) I'm so sorry darling, one becomes so dreadfully engrossed in these daytime soaps sometimes ......
T: (Folds arms and looks terribly stern) That is NO excuse! I'm really quite terribly shocked and displeased! So much slacking ..... and .... where is my 3 course dinner?.... and DARLING! You appear NOT to have changed into something clean and pretty for me!
S: (Feeling like an abject failure) *blub, blub*
T: Well, you know what this means don't you?
S: Yes dear, I'm a BAD HOUSEWIFE *blub, blub*
T: And you know what happens to the bottoms of bad housewives don't you?
S: Yes dear ... *blub, blub, blub*
T: This is going to hurt me more than you .........
*LAUGHS AND LAUGHS AND LAUGHS*
Oh heavens! Imagine your husband being more like your boss!! "Yes Mr Sellers", "No Mr Sellers" .... "Shall I do some overtime Mr Sellers?"..... Hmmmm.
PS .... although, I'd imagine your boss wouldn't smack your bottom!
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Sunday, December 13, 2009
Erm....
Better wrap up folks - according to my iGoogle page weather gadget we're all going to freeze our bits and pieces off:
I reckon someone made a mistake - you think? *laughs*
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Saturday, December 12, 2009
"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree"
Me and the kids put the tree up today while Tim was at work and very pretty it looks too :) Here's a photo I took which I then (not sure why!) converted into "rough pastels" in Photoshop:
Aaaah! Pretty!
Of course, I've been snapping away all day (like to document these
things!) so here are a few more - the good, the bad and the downright
ridiculous. Some were just too silly for words and I couldn't resist
adding some captions 
Musical instrument wall decorations - we've had these for YEARS!
Hemmy becoming entangled in the fairy lights. I was trying to sort them out and he would NOT move.
A non-pastel version of our tree!
We all had to have turns wearing the Santa hat and thus all had to have turns looking daft *laughs*.
See what I mean ....? Sorry about my rather scruffy attire - I had been working all day!
I took a couple of the kids wearing it but they didn't come out too good so I'll have to redo them.
Tim went out and decided to freak us out by peering through the window just as we were taking piccies.
Hmmm .... I don't know what to say really! A bit of Christmas madness got to us I think! Probably plenty more where that came from.
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Monday, December 07, 2009
Catching up
I've been working like mad on THREE sewing projects today that need to be done for Christmas - I'm thinking I've got my fingers in a few too many pies! Still, it's satisfying because I'm getting there and, apart from the sewing (for the kids Christmas stockings), there is also a small but growing collection of pressies on our dining table :)
Tim went out this morning and did some shopping (of the secret variety for yours truly) and got some of the kids things as well. He got back ok this time .... last year he was on his way home with a bootful of presents (including Rosie's TV!) and the clutch went and he had to drive all the way home with no clutch - yikes! That was the old car though and this year there were no such dramas thank god.
Tomorrow I have to go out and get some last bits for Tim's birthday (37 on Wednesday!), do some more sewing and wrap up a few more pressies :)
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Tuesday, November 03, 2009
5 Little Known Things
I am, at present "chilling out" (as Tim would say) with a glass of wine and am feeling just a little bit silly. Also noticed I've had some new readers lately so, by way of an introduction (I guess!), here are 5 little known facts all about my good self.
- I was once in a musical - Oklahoma to be precise - I was 16 at the time (aaah! imagine!) I was in the chorus line and it was SUCH a hoot (although I hate Rogers and Hammerstein with a PASSION). They (the company I was with) wanted me to do the lead in Alice in Wonderland for the next performance and it was at this point that I quickly left ... before they discovered that I actually couldn't sing a note.
- I was harrassed in a Tunisian hotel lobby. I was there, sat on a bench type seat, waiting for my then boyfriend to come down from our room. This rather greasy little Tunisian man sat right next to me and started babbling god-knows-what. In the end, all he apparently managed to ascertain was that I was a "pretty English girl" which he then kept saying over and over until John-the-boyfriend suddenly appeared on the scene. At this point, the greasy Tunisian suddenly went into grovel-scrape-apologise mode and John-the-boyfriend went into smug-she's-mine mode and I felt frankly disgusted at the pair of them.
- I was originally going to be a nurse. I studied and passed all my O Levels at school (remember them older people?), including a very difficult human and social biology exam and was intending to go off to nursing college. Alas, evil mother stepped in and refused to allow this as she wanted me to go straight out to work instead of (as she put it) "loafe around at college". I should have stood up for myself but I didn't (shame on me) so I ended up working in a solicitors office and thus began the long and ultimately dull road to "being a secretary".
- I was once kept home from school for the day by my dad so he could take me to Salisbury races instead. He phoned the school and told them I had a stomach bug and was sick. The next day when I should of been going back to school I actually was throwing up with a stomach bug. My mother said it was "god paying me back for lying". *Sigh* NO. IT. WASN'T. ..... (god indeed! *goes off into peals of laughter*) It was because dad gave me a peach to eat and didn't bother to wash it first (at least, that's what I think). Super good day at the races though AND I won a bet .......
- I failed my driving test 3 times - the last time being, chiefly, because I drove on the wrong side of the road at one point going up to a roundabout (god knows how), nearly giving the examiner a heart attack. That was the end of my driving career. I am, however, a terrible passenger seat driver, constantly leaping for imaginary brake pedals and whatnot.
So that's that then :)
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Wednesday, October 21, 2009
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